The short fat goblin stared up at the star invested sky , he wandered what it would be like to be one of the cool goblins , like Mugyun , he's cool ,so's travy ...his body alone makes the girl goblins blush . But Ugrub was'nt cool he was short for his age , dangerlously obese and had social issues . He couldent talk to some one for more than two minutes before bringing the subject of rocks up . Ugrub collected rocks , in his eyes thay were fantasticly smooth objects or huge rough bolders , why did no one else collect them , they were perfect .
Ugrubs parents abandoned him when he was three , he dosent know why but the his freinds say its cause hes an ugly turd that bores anyone within a five meter radious to death . He had forgiven his so called freinds even as the words left there lips , he would put up with any thing to have some one to hang around
shall i continue on this story to make it a ten page novel , i know its kinda cheesy but itll improve
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay this is a bit of an intriguing start there. It is somewhat on the more tried and tested sort of cliché style of character that we see a lot although of course there's no mention of an arc there and this is not a human scenario so that does make this a lot more unique than it otherwise would be an adds an extra something to the situation. Either way I think this makes for a pretty solid start here in terms of getting our attention as readers at least for this opening bit before we get any hint of what this story itself is trying to do.
Well that took a bit of a turn there. This is certainly sort of cranking up the general idea of this kind of cliché character and sort of ramping it up to extreme levels. I have seen that before too so its not the most unique but I do think this does now make for a bit more interesting of a story than it otherwise might have been, and well on the whole its a very bold start there, one that I think can make for an intriguing story as long as you balance these extremes properly without letting the whole thing turn into a joke of sorts unless of course humor is what you intend in which case you do have to make this a bit more extreme.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hmmm... I was moved by it... but it seems awkward as a fantasy-ish thing. Goblins never seem to have much emotion in my head. But if it was just another teen-angst type thing it wouldn't be so unique.
But never stop writing! You've got an idea, go with it.
Cheesy's not always bad. It can be fun!
Seriously, though. This caught my attention right away. I wish I could tell you why. I think it's because the character isn't perfect. Short, fat--the second and third word of the first sentence! Even his name has 'grub' in it.
Some editing to do, but that's not important right now. I'll tell you it's definately worth continuing if you have a story in mind. Make it one page, ten pages, or 100! Whatever you want.
Have fun!
~Jacquie~
as a side note, I also liked collecting rocks when I was younger. Some acquaintances of my parents gave me a set of non-polished rockes, labeled and everything...and my mom threw them away. *sigh* So in a way I sort of relate to Ugrub, too. But I'm not short or fat.
YOur story needed severe editing so I went ahead and did it; I hope you don't mind.
Stop putting spaces before full stops and commas.
[pre] The short fat goblin stared up at the star infested sky, he wondered what it would be like to be one of the cool goblins, like Mugyun , he's cool ,so's travy ...his body alone makes the girl goblins blush. But Ugrub wasn't cool, he was short for his age, dangerlously obese and had social issues. He couldn't talk to someone for more than two minutes before bringing the subject of rocks up. Ugrub collected rocks, in his eyes thay were fantasticly smooth objects or huge rough bolders. He often wondered why no one else collect them; they were perfect. [/pre]
[pre]Ugrub's parents abandoned him when he was three , he doesn't know why but his freinds say its cause he's an ugly turd that bores anyone, within a five meter radious, to death . He had forgiven his so called friends even as the words left their lips, he would put up with any thing to have some one to hang around with.[/pre]
yes continue, this shows some great potential, poor ugrub, i used to have a rock collection, now that i think about it i still have it lol.